the NOT armageddon
by seeking-out-sunshine
Summary: doomsday did NOT begin with Laxus (king of evil) Dreyer 's boredom— crack!fic, the practically canons.


When Master Makarov and Erza returned from the regular guild masters' meeting they were greeted with two surprises.

Jellal was visiting ("Why hello there" master said) .

A sight of a chaos that none of the two had expected.

They had underestimated the destructive power of the members of their beloved guild. And neither master nor Erza appreciated the results.

After Erza went all out and master cried out all his tears (he was be unable to cry for the next week), the one left in charge of fairy tail was considered guilty, who turned out to be Laxus—king of evil—Dreyer.

After Erza put on her dominatrix outfit (much to the annoyance of Wendy who had to take care of Jellal, after he almost died from blood loss) and questioned the blonde *cough* asshole *cough*, finally a story was found.

From Laxus's testimony gained from the interrogation (also known as torture), we learned that it all _didn't_ start when Laxus _didn't_ notice that Jellal brooding in the so called misery table of the guild. And that _did not_ catch his interest at all. He was totally _not_ lonely and totally _wasn't_ looking for a conversation starter with Mirajane.

So when he _didn't_ ask Mira about the blue-haired guy's reason to sulk, her reaction was what he expected. Mira's ever present gentle smile _did not _turn into a grin of mania and that _did not_ scare the hell out of him. As he expected, Mirajane _did not_ lean way too close to his face and her lips _did not _accidentally crash on to his _not_ because of Kinana's accidental push. He totally **_wasn't_** dreaming about that for months and he totally _d__**idn't**_ blush.

That was the all the lightning dragon slayer said before he promptly fainted.

The rest of the _not-_story was gathered from a still sobbing Fried and a still twitching Gray.

Fried was having an absolutely perfect day and was _not_ skipping to Laxus, when he _didn't_ realized that the cocky blond was busy making out with Mira—drop dead gorgeous—jane. And of course that _didn't_ make him feel very, very lonely and heartbroken. His love rival had _not_ won and he _didn't_ run to the only person in the guild who would understand his current situation, Juvia Lockser.

_No_, Juvia was _not_ gleefully stalking Gray (pssst, right.), when Fried did _not_ run to her crying. ("_They…they…could at least make*sob* it a threesome!"_) _Not_ sensing her guild mate's pain; Juvia had _not_ wrapped her arms around the green-haired man and did _not_ hold him as close to her as possible while he _didn't_ let it out. The blue-haired woman did _not_ have her hands full trying to figure out if the rival in love was Mira, Laxus or Lucy. (Because Lucy's always love rival, always.)

Meanwhile Gray _didn't_ find his eyebrows twitching in a very annoying way and so he _didn't_ try glaring at Fried.

"Dude, yer brows twitching." Gajeel _hadn't_ said. (Brow twitching is his thing, how DARE stripper boy try to _not_ steal HIS thing!)

"NO, IT ISN'T YA PIECE OF NOODLES!" Gray _didn't_ say. (But even IF he said something, he really used the word noodles, he swears. He's already spent way all of his money paying Wendy for swearing in her presence.)

"WHAT THE APPLES DID YOU SAY, YOU DIRT!" the dragon slayer did _not_ respond. (Again, even IF Gajeel did say something, he did not swear, cause honestly, he too has wasted too much of his money to be willing to say 'bad' words.) "JUST CUZ YOU HAVE AN APPLE FLAVORED CRUSH ON JUVIA DOESN'T MEAN YA GOT A LEGIT REASON TO BE PISSED!"

"YEAH, APPLE FLAVORED RIGHT! THE DAY I HAVE A CRUSH ON JUVIA IS THE DAY FLAME-BRAINS WALKS OUT FROM A CLOSET WITH LUCY!"

Natsu did _not_ walk out of the broom closet with Lucy seconds after Gray _didn't_ speak the words.

So _no_, seeing no other way out Gray _didn't_ throw a chair at Natsu out of desperation. Which just so happened to _not_ land on Mirajane, who was still _not _making out with Laxus. Laxus _wasn't_ about to attack Gray because, hellooooo, he _wasn't_ making out with Mira—drop dead gorgeous—jane (and _not_ apple flavored enjoying it), but Mira _didn't_ beat him to it. She _wasn't_ on her feet and emitting a dark aura that _didn't_ scare the shit out of Romeo.

And of course, Rome _didn't_ have to grab Wendy and hug her real tight because if he _wasn't_ this scared Wendy _didn't_ have to be close to the point of fainting. And _no_, Wendy _didn't_ faint when Romeo _didn't_ hug her. (Whether it _wasn't_ Mira's HELLA SCARY, err, intimidating battle cry or Romeo's intimate embrace, we are yet to know.) And _not_ seeing Wendy faint in the embrace of Fairy Tail's resident (old) pervert's son, Carla _didn't_ scream bloody murder and _didn't_ wake Lisanna up from her merry little nap.

The white exceed _didn't_ learn a new thing that day. She _didn't_ learn a woken-up Lisanna is as scary as Acnologia.

The Strauss sister _hadn't_ started rampaging and Elfman, being a man, _could_ let his manly sisters' cause all the destruction, (BECAUSE HE WAS A MAN!) He _didn't_ throw a chair at Nab because, Nab _was_ a man and he _didn't_ throw a table at Max because it's _manly_ to laugh at another man's misfortune.

Natsu Dragneel _didn't_ take this opportunity to light up Gray's (long-forgotten) shirt and _didn't_ throw it on Laxus. Engaging Laxus—king of evil—Dreyer in battle, was _very_ difficult after that point.

But then the real chaos **did not** begin.

Oh yeah, the real chaos actually happened because uh… because… um…err… IT WAS NATSU'S FAULT!

.

.

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Probably.

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.

.

Fine, no it wasn't his fault. But he's an idiot, let's just blame him. Shhhh.

* * *

im afraid im going crazy. COME, SAVE MY SOUL WITH YOUR REVIEWS.


End file.
